u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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