Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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