ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
