Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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