Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
