pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
