I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
