after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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