sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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