My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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