Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
