turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
