I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
