remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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