did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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