my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
even my farts smell like vagina
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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