I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
