1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
