wrigley field is MILF paradise
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
