Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
