just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
