You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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