yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
