just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
