Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
