also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
