Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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