it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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