I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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