Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
