R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So many bounce houses so little time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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