I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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