bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize