and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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