david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You left your phone here
Wait...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
