I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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