I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
