Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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