What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
