Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize