If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
