im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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