Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize