Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
