Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
