when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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