I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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