Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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