He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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