Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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