someone get that fucking seahorse.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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