i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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