I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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