no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
