Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
mondays should just be called national damage control day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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