In the future we'll all be gay
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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