Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
