DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
