Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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