U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
