Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
