When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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