A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
