I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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