but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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