I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
