I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
