John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
