Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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