i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
