Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
