Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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