If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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