This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
